I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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