wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
