what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
