I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
