I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
