I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
