She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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