I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
