Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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