i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
