Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
