Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
