Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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