sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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