you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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