Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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