god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
