6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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