The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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