this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
