Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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