Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
