I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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