I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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