Hey man sorry I got all grabby
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
