What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
