Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
