she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
