even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
