Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
they need to just BURY HIM!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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