My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
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your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
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don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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