Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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