but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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