I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
