On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
