I forgot how hot balto sounded
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
