Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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