I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
