just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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