Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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