I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
