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Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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