Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hippo gnu deer
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
