If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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