Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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