yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize