I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
