there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
