probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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