Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
we're so committed to being not committed
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
