By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
