Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
