Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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