After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
