My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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