Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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