I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
