So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
