Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
