ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
