she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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