Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
