he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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