im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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