my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
