I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
