Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
