Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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