This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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