My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
